Monday, October 15, 2012

100 to zero and back again

Ah, post-deployment. It's a time of adjustment. Of changes and confusion. Of learning what life is like together again and how you fit in. And that was just me!

There's a lot of focus within the military community about helping service members readjust to life back on the homefront but nothing that I have seen for spouses. I went from being everything to our two kids to being replaced in an instant. It went from "mommy, mommy" to "daddy, daddy" and it felt weird. What about all I had done for the past 7 months? Doing all the chores, all the driving, all the bedtime stories, and kissing all the boo-boos? Did they not notice?

But then a few days passed and suddenly my husband was the one thrown to the back burner. It was "mommy, mommy" again. For a little while it felt good -- they do need me. But them the calls for daddy got less frequent and even if he was standing right there with nothing to do and I was elbow deep in dishes, I heard "mommy can I have" or "mommy will you get" and I felt my blood start to simmer. Why not ask dad? Is it because "mommy, mommy" was our pattern for so long or do they prefer me for certain things?

I expected things to go differently. That the everyday stuff would be more evenly divided, like it was before he left. This is not a dig at my hubby in any way -- he is more than willing (and wanting) to help but there are moments the kids literally won't let him.

Maybe I'm not back at 100. But definitely at least 92.

1 comment:

  1. It sounds like the kids just need to get retrained. When they ask you for something say 'why don't you ask Daddy? He can probably help you with that.' I think it's more them not understanding the roles now that he's back.