Sunday, September 9, 2012

The "talk"

About two weeks ago, I had a very awkward conversation with my 4-year old daughter, Samantha, over lunch. It went something like this:

Sam: "Mommy, you grew me in your belly, right?"
Me: "Yes."
S: "And you grew Danny in your belly."
Me: "Yes."
S: "And you grew Daddy in your belly."
Me: "No. I did not grow Daddy. Grandma K did."
S: "Oh. So, Nana grew you in her belly?"

(And this is where it gets awkward...)

Me: "No. Grandma A did."
S: "No Mommy, Nana did."
Me: "No Sammy, Grandma A did."

(She's clearly not following this conversation at this point. And them my feeble attempt to explain adoption went something like this...)

Me: "Sometimes people grow babies in their tummies but they don't keep them because they can't take care of them. So they give hem to other people to raise the baby and be that baby's Mommy and Daddy."

(Still looking confused...)

Me: "Grandma A grew me but Nana and Grandpa raised me, so they are my Mommy and Daddy."

(Long pause...)

S: "But you definitely didn't grow Daddy."

Ah, 4-year old conversations...

Friday, September 7, 2012

The constant compromise of me

I definitely have a hard time letting things go. When I'm fighting with you, I want to finish it. When I have a problem, I want to solve it as soon as possible. This has proved problematic in two areas of my life -- my daughter and the Army.

While my husband has been deployed, my daughter has been acting out. I took the proactive approach and got her into counseling. It took a long time, but we are finally in a better place. That's not to say all is perfect. She still has the occasional freak out and tries to argue with me. The therapist has told me to ignore it. Let her freak out and get it out of her system as long as she is in a safe place. As I've written before, sometime the freak outs get ugly with hurtful phrase thrown at me. In those moments I'm supposed to send her to another room and let her come back when she is ready to make reparations. I'm also supposed to welcome the apology and move on in a positive way. THAT is the hard part. When you hurt me, I can't bounce back immediately.

The Army is another offender. I'm a planner, a problem solver. But the Army rarely works on hard deadlines. Everything is subject to change. Plans need to be in pencil and most civilians don't work that way. We can't just pick up and go at a moment's notice (especially with kids). There are vacation request forms, arrangements for babysitting/pet sitting/house sitting., not to mention the how you're getting there. It's like a thousand piece puzzle that's always missing that one last piece.

Life will go on -- I just wish it was simpler.